I know, I know. I left you guys hanging yesterday. We were in Ocean City, Maryland, eating crabs and playing skee-ball, and we didn't get home until after midnight. Even today I am tired and bloated from all the fun I had and the salt I consumed yesterday.

One of the simplest appetizers of all time is just a block of goat cheese or cream cheese with some kind of chutney or jam poured over it, served with a basket of crackers. Any kind of jam is good, especially raspberry, but my favorite is a savory onion chutney flavored with chiles and garlic. It's the kind of thing you find in a specialty food store, and even then it's not easy to find, so I was thrilled to find this recipe for an onion jam.

This is easy and flexible and meant to be played with. Use great ingredients, taste it as you go to measure the need for seasoning, and give it lots of time to turn sweet. Besides the appetizer I mentioned above, try it with grilled tuna, or with sauteed greens like kale or escarole.

Slow and Easy Savory Onion Jam

2 to 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
5 to 6 medium red onions, thinly sliced
10 large shallots, thinly sliced
8 to 10 big cloves garlic (not Elephant type), thinly sliced
salt and generous freshly ground black pepper
shredded zest of 2 large oranges (optional)
1/4 cup currants or raisins (optional)
1 small fresh tomato, peeled, or a canned tomato
1/4 to 1/2 cup wine vinegar
1 tablespoon sugar (optional)

Heat oil in a 12-inch saute pan over medium high. Add onions, shallots, garlic, salt and pepper, tossing to combine. Once they begin sizzling, turn heat to medium low, cover pan and cook 30 minutes, adding zest and raisins half way through cooking. Once onions become soft and clear, uncover, raising heat to medium high.

Brown the onions. Stir often, scraping up the brown glaze on the bottom of the pan. You may need a little water as they approach being done. Once deep gold, stir in tomato and 1/4 cup vinegar, cooking it down to nothing.

Taste for a soft sweet-tart balance. If necessary, cook in a little sugar, or more vinegar. Tomato should meld into the onions, while the vinegar cooks down to an appealing backdrop, not a sharp accent. Cool quickly and pack in jars. Keep cold, but serve close to room temperature.

May 22: Roasted Onions

I am lacking any kind of culinary inspiration tonight. I overcooked the spaghetti tonight, something I never do. My mother arrives tomorrow. Clearly I am a little distracted.

This is a recipe from The Splendid Table, which is a genius show on NPR hosted by Lynn Rosetto Casper, who I love but whose last name I may have misspelled because I am too lazy to go find her cookbook and look at it. Her show, but Jamie Oliver's recipe. I think Jamie Oliver is a little spazzy, but still sort of adorable in a pallid British way.

Jamie recommends serving this dish with cod or roasted chicken. He also describes this as "The dog's kahunas." Given the size and shape of onions, I will work very hard to keep that phrase out of my head. I have gone ahead and put his recipe verbatim here, just because I love how he talks.

Roasted Onions

4 tennis-ball-sized white onions, peeled
Olive oil
2 cloves of garlic, peeled and finely chopped
4 twigs of fresh rosemary, lower leaves picked and chopped
8 tablespoons heavy cream
A couple handfuls of grated Parmesan cheese
Sea salt
Freshly ground black pepper
4 slices of pancetta or bacon

Boil the onions in plenty of water for 15 minutes until slightly tender. Remove from the pan and allow to cool. Then, with a sharp knife, remove the top inch of each onion, finely chop and place to one side. If need be, slightly trim the stalk end of the onions so that they will sit flat on a roasting tray. Cut about a heaping tablespoon out from the inside of each onion, keeping the outside intact. Finely chop and add to the rest of the chopped onion.

Preheat the oven to 400°F. Heat a frying pan and add a little olive oil, your garlic, the chopped onions, and just a little chopped rosemary. Fry for a couple of minutes until softened, then turn the heat down, add the cream and remove from the heat. Stir in the Parmesan and season.

I like to wrap a nice slice of pancetta around the middle of each onion and just spike it in place with a sharpened twig of rosemary or wooden toothpick. The rosemary and pancetta will make the onion taste lovely as it cooks. Place the onions on a roasting tray and spoon some of the chopped onion mixture inside each one. Bake in the preheated oven for around 25 minutes until soft and tender, depending on the size of the onions. It's cool to experiment with different cheeses, so give it a bash.

There's a recipe that made me fall in love with almost every piece of cookware that I own. Belgian beef stew with onions and beer in my Dutch oven. In my big, heavy-bottomed traditional skillet, it's blueberry-glazed chicken breasts. And in my slow cooker, it's caramelized onions.

No, really. The slow cooker is a phenomenal piece of kitchen machinery, and I'm not just talking about for pot roast or spaghetti sauce. You slow cooker does more than you think it does, and caramelized onions is just one of the things it does. And it does them really well, and much more simply than caramelizing onions on the stove top, where they need stirring and babysitting.

Using your slow cooker virtually eliminates the chance of burning the onions. The other bonus is that you end up with this amazing onion-flavored butter at the end of cooking. You can use it in pastas, risottos, to saute vegetables. The onions themselves--well, you can use them practically anywhere: pizza, fish, meat. They're part vegetable, part condiment, and totally sweet and delicious and unforgettable.

Slow-Cooker Caramelized Onions

3 pounds Vidalia or other sweet onions (4 to 5 onions, 3 to 4 inches in diameter), peeled and cut into 1/8-inch-thick to 1/4-inch-thick slices
8 tablespoons (1 stick) butter

Preparation

Place the onions and butter in the insert of the slow cooker, cover, and cook on LOW for 12 to 14 hours, until the onions are deep brown and very soft. It's almost impossible to overcook these; make sure to let the onions cook until they are mahogany colored.

Notes: While this recipe calls for Vidalia onions, you can use other sweet onions such as Maui, Walla Walla, or Texas 1015s. If you have a large slow cooker, you can double the onions. It is not necessary to increase the amount of butter.

Don't blanch at the amount of butter called for here. When you drain and chill the onions, the onion-flavored butter will congeal on the surface of the cooking liquid. Skim it and use it.

May 7: French Onion Soup

Man oh man, what a dilemma. French onion soup can be rich, sumptuous, the best possible kind of comfort food. Or it can be salty, one-note, tired, and covered in congealed, poor-quality cheese. When you order it in a restaurant, you never know what you're going to get.

What's the answer? Make it at home. It's not difficult, and it's made mostly of things you have around the house (and I promise I'll get around to that Advanced Pantry still). It's a great Sunday afternoon lunch for a rainy day, maybe with a little salad and a tall glass of milk.

You need the right bowls for this--heavy crockery that can take the heat of the broiler. There are special French onion crocks with handles that make handling a scorching-hot bowl a little easier. Either way, as my son says, be safe, be careful. French onion soup can make for some impressive burns.

This is awesome: I'm watching the Nationals game while I write this: Paul LoDuca got hit in the already-injured hand with a pitch and is clearly in quite a bit of pain. A knucklehead fan from the other team (The Houston Assholes, I mean the Astros) gave him some crap as he went back to the dugout, and security came and escorted this fine gentleman and his knuckle-dragging ape of a buddy from the ballpark. This has nothing to do with soup. This has to do with me and how much I love baseball.

French Onion Soup

2 lb medium onions, halved lengthwise, then thinly sliced lengthwise
3 sprigs fresh thyme
2 Turkish bay leaves or 1 California
3/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 stick (1/4 cup) unsalted butter
2 teaspoons all-purpose flour
3/4 cup dry white wine
4 cups reduced-sodium beef broth (32 fl oz)
1 1/2 cups water
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
6 (1/2-inch-thick) diagonal slices of baguette
1 (1/2-lb) piece Gruyère, Comte, or Emmental
2 tablespoons finely grated Parmigiano-Reggiano

Cook onions, thyme, bay leaves, and salt in butter in a 4- to 5-quart heavy pot over moderate heat, uncovered, stirring frequently, until onions are very soft and deep golden brown, about 45 minutes. Add flour and cook, stirring, 1 minute. Stir in wine and cook, stirring, 2 minutes. Stir in broth, water, and pepper and simmer, uncovered, stirring occasionally, 30 minutes.

While soup simmers, put oven rack in middle position and preheat oven to 350°F.

Arrange bread in 1 layer on a large baking sheet and toast, turning over once, until completely dry, about 15 minutes.

Remove croûtes from oven and preheat broiler. Put crocks in a shallow baking pan.

Discard bay leaves and thyme from soup and divide soup among crocks, then float a croûte in each. Slice enough Gruyère (about 6 ounces total) with cheese plane or very sharp knife to cover tops of crocks, allowing ends of cheese to hang over rims of crocks, then sprinkle with Parmigiano-Reggiano. Broil 4 to 5 inches from heat until cheese is melted and bubbly, 1 to 2 minutes.